The Google Scam

I wanted to be really, really nice to Google and I pasted the below epistle in the Google search bar.

(Date : 28-09-2006)
Bangalore

Respected Google,

Sub : Requisition for search

Thank you for taking time off to go through this request. I hope this request finds you in the pink of health and care. You have been very kind on previous counts searching and returning accurate results. You have made it your hobby, I reckon. Nice.

Adverting to my request dated 24-sept-1997(You know I've been working on this new product, don't you?), I am stuck in build 34F-43fd-fdfa3 (Some more random digits and alphabets)-af343.build. I get an error during compilation which reads:

"Error! Bad Programmer. Go home. "

I couldn't figure out what this meant and have come to you for help. I request you to skim through the as many websites as possible and return useful/relevant results. Please treat this as urgent. I stand deeply indebted to you for all your help.

Awaiting your reply at the earliest.

Regards,
Swaroop

And this was what I got.

Hmmm... Google doesn't like people being nice to it. It loves imperative sentences. For example:

'You bloody fool, I order you to search for Osama Bin Laden'
returned over 200 hits!

Finding Osama was never so simple.

Google began as a research project in Stanford University in 1996, or so say Larry Page and Sergery Brin. This blog's raison 'detre is to reveal the truth and I shall do just that. Google, I think, and this is the truth(Because, whatever I think is true and you better not argue, you shmuck), started off because Larry Page and Sergery Brin had to work on a project as a part their final semester curriculum. They forwarded their resumes to three companies, namely,

1) 'Bhairavi computers' -- Computers for tomorrow

2) 'Prabhavati Software solutions' -- Solutions for the real world.

3) 'Adi Chunchungiri Bhagavad Mahaapeetha Jayachaamaraaja Laxhmi Venkateshwara Mahaasabha IT solutions' -- Tough solutions for easy problems.

They failed to secure a project. Dejected, they were. Suicide, they wanted to commit. Ropes, they had. A fan, they saw. On a stool, they stood. Then, Larry said, "Hey, how about flicking a project". Brin drew a wicked smile over his lips and off they zoomed at 2Kmph.

Back home, they skimmed through a thousand project reports. Not a single word they could understand. Finally, they decided to write a small search engine which could help them search for an easy-to-understand project. After 108 days of continuous search using their new engine, they found an easy-to-understand project titled : 'The art of printing your name using printf()'. This easy-to-understand project fetched them a Ph.D. However, people began to use their 'small search engine' to pick up 'easy projects' and 'project reports'. News about the engine spread like wild fire, and soon, Google was born (I can testify in court that the above story is true to the best of my knowledge).

Googlers are the guys I envy most. They get paid for nothing at all! Just think about it, all they have to do is Google for new ideas. After they find one, they Google for the code. Then, they Google for the test cases and testing tools. Thus, All Googlers Google for Google(If you cant understand this statement, your IQ is less than (21). In other words, less than mine).

Google is rated as the no.1 innovator for the year 2006! The pay cheques are fat and cool. A single monthly pay cheque at Google could be used by Lord Venkateshwara to clear off his huge loan with Kubera. Supposedly, Larry Page draws a salary of $1 per month! You can find more interesting stuff about Google, here.